I’m going to use this blog to work through this because I can write far better than I can do anything else.
Sooooooo the orthopedic doctor found a mass in my leg...
I’ve been a mixed bag today spending most of it with my son. How does one feel? How does one not feel everything?
After I left the doctor and got in my car I called the oncologist who I need to see next. Then I sat there on the verge of losing it. I made a decision that I’m not going to worry, I’m going to be optimistic and I’m not going to let it affect my mood. I choose to handle it like this because I’m afraid of what the other side looks like.
Now of course I can “decide” that all I want but the reality it is it will be in my mind at all times and I’ll probably have to work very hard to make sure my mood and my sanity is in check.
There is so much that I feel in limbo about, so much so that I have to let things go as they will. It’s basically too much to worry about so I can worry. Plus my wife I’m sure will worry enough for the both of us. I don’t want to walk around like this is a death sentence but similar to when I was in the hospital in the summer you leave these places with a new look on the same old things. The time spent is more fun, the food tastes better, the water is more refreshing.
I’ve been asleep since 8pm it’s now 4:41am. Mentally exhausted, not physically I sat on the couch and floor all day long.
Time to get the day started...